He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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