The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
All the doctor said was why
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
