and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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