im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
