oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
