I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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