Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
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