M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
