If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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