Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
