mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
