He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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