My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
