I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
