i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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