Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize