i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'm passing your future prison.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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