So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just invented taco cereal.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
