dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
My ass is underappreciated
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
