just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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