All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
