maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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