Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
