it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
