Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
