In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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