I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
