I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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