Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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