He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Randomize
