you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
