Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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