I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
