yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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