I must be too annoying 4 u.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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