Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
We need to get me chipped asap
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
