I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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