Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
