Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
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I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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