At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
