I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
