I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
it glows. i had to have it.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
