I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Randomize
