I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
