her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
