sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
