I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
