I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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