My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
