Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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