I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
