my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
