I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
tell me about the eggs
Randomize