every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
