You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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