Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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