I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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