She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
