Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
