he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I think pants incapable of making pants work
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize