We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
