can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Randomize
