I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
