She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
