Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
